Friday, October 20, 2006

Subconscious: Your Contract is Under Review

-To: My Subconscious
-Re: Last Night's Dream

Dear My Subconscious:

You are going too far.

Your latest dream made me very uncomfortable.

I understand that when I am asleep you have a specific purpose in mind when you impose a dream upon me. I understand that this is your own special way of sorting things out and that’s cool, but I really don’t see what you were getting at with your latest contribution.

Why the fuck did you have me spend my entire eight hours of sleep competing against The Cookie Monster for the affection of Mary-Kate Olsen?

I mean, what?

I… I honestly don’t know where to begin to address this.

I don’t care one iota about Mary-Kate Olsen, do I?

If I do, why is The Cookie Monster my main competition?

I’m not getting your hint, Subconscious, please clarify.

In the future, unless your directive is crystal clear, I would appreciate not dreaming about Mary-Kate Olsen or The Cookie Monster, or competing against one for the other.

Thanks in advance,

Your Conscious Counterpart


Renaissance Diva said...

omigod you just cracked me up at work. that is one bizarre dream.

K.Leigh said...


And just wait 'til it begins recurring...I have this one dream that I have atleast once a week, and it is starting to freak me the fuck out.

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Sounds more like a nightmare than a dream.

I've got to ask: in your dream was Mary-Kate her age now, or younger? This could be significant.

Ryan said...

sister mary lisa,

Yes, it was much more of a nightmare than a dream.

In response to your question:

Mary-Kate was the age that she is now.

Upon stepping into a co-worker's office a couple weeks ago, I caught a glimpse of newsprint-cutout photo of Mary-Kate which was tacked onto my co-worker's bulletin board.

In this picture, she was wearing huge sunglasses and no less than nine layers of clothing.

This is exactly what she looked like in my dream (nightmare).

Any interpretation is appreciated.

MonkeyPants said...


I've been beating up a lot of people in my dreams lately. Two nights ago it was my ex boyfriend's mother. That can't be good...

As for your dream: well, there's cause for anxiety there. Blue fur and googly eyes are pretty fucking hot.

dmbmeg said...

why are you complaing? this is the greatest dream ever. scratch that. it would be the greatest dream ever if you were cometing for the attention of uncle joey.

Big Daddy said...

Eh, it would be more intersting if you were competing against Bob Saget or Dave Coulier, for her attention.